So a few weeks ago, there was An Event. In my house. On my stairs.
Sounds dramatic, right?
Well, it was. I almost DIED.
(This may be a slight exaggeration)
After one of those days where I did way too many things and was a hot mama mess and had small people (not midgets) cry on me and possibly pee on me. And probably there was some soy milk spit up on me somewhere. The usual.
And there *may have been wine involved.
After saying goodnight to my son, I eagerly hit the stairs to get down with some sweet 80’s action movies. I hit the landing, my foot slipped on the edge of a stair and I literally did that thing people do in comics where they slip on a banana peel. Except it was way quicker. And I was holding wine.
And I landed right on my (inappropriate word that starts with ‘a’ and is the word ass) a**.
And the really horrible part was all my wine went right up in the air and landed on my head. Oh, but first it splashed my stairwell, and looked like someone had been murdered.
So there I was, lying on the stairs, covered in Pinot noir, in agony, trying not to scream because I was DYING and Vincent calls out to me “I love you Mummy!!”
Mothers body’s are some tough shit. Despite being in super ridiculous pain, covered in wine (in a non-fun way) and pretty much crying…. I, using a completely unshakey, normal voice was able to respond “Love you too, my sweet love!”
My reward? Enormous bruise on a** and possible, maybe broken, but bruised at the least, super super painful tailbone.
3 days later, I gave my tail bone the finger and went to spin class. “You’re not going to get the best of me asshole! Screw you!” I shouted at my ass as I drove to the gym, parked and picked up my spin class pass.
And in retrospect, stating that I gave my tail bone ‘the finger’ is questionable. *snicker also, I could barely walk out of there. Also, yes yes… I know… Why. What am I doing. Etc etc.
Ok. Lets boil it down. Spilling wine on yourself when you are home alone with 2 kids is falling into the questionable category. Even the fact that it was the Saturday before kindergarten started is not an excuse.
Also, hold the m-fing handrail. Lesson to everyone.
Try not to be a weekend disaster like I was. It will reflect poorly on your exercise attempts for weeks to come. Also, wine maybe needs a lid. Or mine does anyways.