How my life is like a sunbeam: Deliver Me Applause.
You know that applause? You can deliver it right over here.
Mostly because I am still alive after an enormous parenting fail. One so huge that my husband had to actually point it out to me. While I pretended THAT I KNEW ABOUT IT ALREADY.
Ok. So that applause is really for how well I played it off. Straight up nonchalant. Shoulda been wearing pearls and a lace collar while I said it, it was so believable. I know… Parenting has made me the best liar ever, but this? This was a gold star effort.
Innocently enough I handed my son some Ninja Turtle things. Specific enough for you? Me too. No idea what they were. But they cost a dollar at Target and he was thrilled. They looked like pens, were in Halloween colors and therefore were amazing.
Little did I know that they were double capped. For those of you non-parents out there there (all one of you) that means there was ink on both ends, capped, but in disguise.
Vince and I innocently decorated a bunch of things. Non threatening sticker stuff, spider webs made of foam and such. It was quiet and calm. Eleanor was sleeping, therefore life was literally like a sunbeam.
For a 45 second period of time, I left the room and went upstairs. Vince, In retrospect, was holding two markers in his hands. And when I came back down, they still were there. They were just harder to see since both arms looked like they’d been tattooed. By a 5 year old.
Mummy: “Vince. What on earth is this?!”
Vincent: “Oh. Well, that’s a picture of a man jumping rope.” (On his thigh)
Mummy: “And this?”
Vincent: “Oh! Well that’s a man making a cake.” (On his whole entire body, in between all of his fingers, his palms and all over the top of his hands. Perfect.
I straight up lied. To my husband. Don’t act all shocked and stuff. You are a super liar too.
Mike: “Babes, so probably it isn’t the best idea to leave Vince alone with markers. You know, one of my friends has banned them from his house…”
Me: “Oh ya, he did that a while ago. No worries… I was supervising.”
What a giant load of bs.
Also, when did I become a rookie mom again? Who does things like this?
And why didn’t I take a picture of it?
Well, these experiences certainly make for more interesting life. That’s for damn sure. So technically it’s a win. Right?
With love and markers,